The Bucket List.

Okay, so the plan has changed a little bit but basicaaallly,

I have made a list of 100 things to do before I die, but I have to do at least 30 before I'm 30. Although I have only got up to 75 things on the list so far, I think some will be more spontaneous then sitting down and writing one straight out.

It's really refreshing putting down on paper specific things you want to do in your life, especially being at uni where the main focus of my day is being hungover, dragging myself to a lecture then thinking about what to do again in the evening. Also, I've discovered some really cool people with lists on things to do before they die, like Sebastian Terry (definately a bit in love with him) and Grace Collins blog www.23b423.blogspot.com .

So anyway, here goes my list.....

1) No meat for 1 month.
2) Get my nipple pierced (wanted it since I was 16, think its a bit skanky now but wanna try and do it!)
3) Raise £10,000 for SANE- mental illness charity in memory of my Uncle Jim.
4) Jump a freight train.
5) Have an orgy.
6) Go in a shark cage. (3 biggest fears combined! small spaces, underwater, SHARKS)
7) Stay awake for 72 hours.
8) Skydive.
9) Write a book.
10) Have babies!
11) Live in America (for more than 6 months).
12) Spend a year in Alaska- lost in the wild.
13) Learn Norwegian and French.
14) Do a paid modelling job.
15) Hold £500,000!
16) Kiss Ollie Jones.
17) Make my own wine.
18) Make my own olive oil with my mama.
19) Combine the above and live in Italy!
20) Shave all my hair off- donate for cancer.
21) A week 100% in the Wild.
22) Paraglide with my papa.
23) Go to Cape Town.
24) Spend 6+ months living and integrating in a 3rd world country.
25) Go to Afghanistan.
26) Go to Victoria Falls.
27) Got to Niagra Falls.
28) Cycle from North to South America.
29) Explore Mexico and Latina America.
30) Canoe down the Amazon.
31) Work in Mongolia.
32) Go to the Rio de Janeiro carnival with my little sister.
33) See RHCP live.
34) Meet Stephen Fry.
35) Read all of Jack Karouac's books.
36) Sleep out in the desert.
37) Have a Brazilian Wax (ouch motherfucker!)
38) Swim in the Great Barrier Reef.
39) Go Caving in New Zealand.
40) Deliver a baby.
41) Work in an orphanage.
42) Visit every single continent.
43) Climb Kilimanjaro.
44) Take a stranger out for dinner.
45) Get a tattoo.
46) Road trip around Europe.
47) Drink Vodka in Russia.
48) Stay on a deserted Island.
49) Kill it, cook it, eat it.
50) Volunteer with cancer patients.
51) Donate my eggs.
52) Do something spontaneous with someone I just met.
53) Pass my CBT (motorbike test).
54) Buy an original painting.
55) Wear a wig for a day and persuade people its my real hair!
56) Stay on a deserted Island.
57) Make a stained glass window.
58) Be a bridesmaid.
59) Spend a night on the beach.
60) Squat in a building.
61) Buy a 2 CV and recondition it with my paps.
62) Drive 1 million miles.
63) Hitch hike with my little sister.
64) Eat something weird and grotesque.
65) Bleach an item of clothing.
66) Walk on a Cat Walk.
67) Go on a safari.
68) Inter rail!
69) Fall in love.
70) See an anoconda.
71) Make some jam.
72) Go to Big Sur.
73) Absail down a building.
74) White water raft the Colorado River.
75) See a giant Otter in South America.

Thats it so far, kudos if you actually read the whole list!

Waiting for my friend to come over and make dinner, my tummys rumbling I may have to tuck into the eclairs before we watch Bridget Jones...

bon apetite! x

florence'11

Bucket List.

I have decided to write a bucket list of realistic things to do before I'm 30. Not that I'm expecting to die by then, but you never know. Seriously though, I think it would be cool. I'm gunna write it out over the next few days, and I think I'm going to put a maximum of 50 things on it. That averages out to less then 5 a year, right?

Got my results back from my first essay yesterday, not too great but I got a 2:2 and I know that I didn't work to my full potential with it anyway so I'm just trying to move on aha.

Watched War Horse this evening, tommorow I think I'll do a full write up of what I thought, but some key points where that:

 1) I think that there could have been stronger character building for Joey. After all, the book is written from his point of view, and you don't really seem to get any of that from the film. Even some occasional narration (Black Beauty style) or some more cheeky characteristics from the horse would have been good. But the characterisation of the human characters was excellent, and there are a lot of people to fit in!

 2) In the book Albert has a girl who he's in love with, yet in the film she is only mentioned twice and nothing to really suggest who she is. At the end I was waiting for it to skip to the scene when both J + A are older etc., but it didn't, it just ended. I suppose they didn't want to finish it off with a totally cliche happy ending. Still, doesn't quite do the book justice.

3) Overall, I felt the film lacked the ability to make you feel true compassion for the main character, because although of course everyone can relate to the war and bravery and loss, I didn't actually feel any care put into his character. At least not as much as was reflected in the book. However, as a stand alone film to someone who may have never read it before it was well executed, with excellent acting/ casting and the settings where amazing and so true.

My mum went to see it in the theatre with her friend and I'd absolutely love to go! I'm really hoping that I can.

In other news, been looking up trip to Florence in either Feb or April, only £250 for 5 days and I'm so keen to get back there. I want to work and live there after uni, hopefully something art/ literary based but even if I work in a cafe I'll be happy! Also, my friend Shannon is studying Fashion there, I'm so proud of her and it would be so amazing to have a good catch up and spend some time with her.

absolutely nothing more attractive then this. me + megs lovin' lyf.

Went out to Stupid Tuesday with everyone last night, drank far to much. Mixed wine with rum/ vodka and mixer, such a bad bad decision! Was such good fun but I felt like shit this morning. Slept over at my friends flat (I am literally the surrogate flatmate who lives in the kitchen) and we dozed off watching the Little Mermaid and talking drunken funny shit. Totally forgot how much I love that film! Something so comforting and still funny about Disney films, always make me crack up. Was so hungover this morning, literally been incapable of life. Had a bit of an awkward situ trying to by noms from the gallery shop when me and Rosie both realised neither of us had any money... I then proceeded to knock over a bit of the table display with my bag. Oh well, When In Rome.. right?

Anyway, I have anthropology tommorow and I'm still debating whether or not to go. We'll have to see when it gets to 7:30am tommorow morning....

Will try to write something meaningful and of interest tommorow.

კარგი ღამე (Georgian)

First day back at uni

has been an absolute killer. That essay I mentioned a few days ago... yeah I didn't start it. But managed to bash out 2,200 words today so I'm very pleased with myself! Not quite up to the word count but there really is only so much you can write on the materials and effects of one painting. A bit proud of myself though because I found it easier then previous essays, probably because we didnt have to footnote or reference so it was purely knowledge and opinion. Just have to hand it in next week and I'm freeeee! Til wednesday when essay #2 begins....

Day number one of not eating meat has gone well. Although not gunna lie, when my flatmate made sausages and mash for dinner my fangs did kind of come out, but I ate bacon yesterday so I think it will be okay. I'm not doing it for any animal rights reasons or saying that eating meat is bad, because I dont think it is. I just think that its unhealthy to mostly base your meals around the meat, which is what I, and most people, tend to do. I just want to feel healthier and eat better. Today I made pasta with broccoli and tomatoes and mushrooms in a light phili sauce. Really nommmmmy and so filling. The mushrooms even kinda tasted like bacon... I'm gunna start having dreams about it soon.

Feeling quite positive about uni this term, but its only the first day and that is probably only because I've got my essay done. Also, so excited to start looking for houses! Really need to crack on with it!

Listening to Patti Smith 'Godspeed' and about to make a hot choc, paint my nails and watch Absolutely Fabulous. Might also make a start on my India scrap book. My umma printed of 300+ photos for me! So happy though, she knows that India just makes me happy and that I need a little project to do at uni. She really is a top one. Missing my baby sister already, trying to get her on skype is a nightmare!

Anyway, thats all for now.
magusa une (sweet dreams from estonia) x

.

"I am fifty years old and I have always lived in freedom; let me end my life free; when I am dead let this be said of me: 'He belonged to no school, to no church, to no institution, to no academy, least of all to any régime except the régime of liberty." Gustave Courbet.

 Properly love this quote, I hope that I can feel feel for most of or all of my life.

Back in Brum

and trying not to fall prey to the deathly stupor in which my bedroom always manages to lure me into. Its just so small and warm and all i wanna do is zzzzzzzzzzzZZzzz. Really can't afford spend another term withmy day ratio a 70% bed and 30% lectures/ bar/ other activities.

Went on a maaaahhhssiive food shop with my mother, I think she thought she was preparing me for a famine or something. Also remembered to buy a toothbrush which is another interesting daily essential. My room is in a current state of disaster and I really cba to sort everything out. Living out of a suitcase is cool anyway.

Wishing I went to uni in London again, would love to be closer to my best friend and it's less insular then a campus uni, but going into Birmingham today made me appreciate it again. The architecture is amazing and it has reaaally nice shops and such a good vibe, just need to actually leave my little bubble more often and explore it. Don't wanna get back into a bad routine again!

Blitzed the flat of any remnants of Chrimbo as soon as we got here, all of our window snow, snowflakes and Becky's excellently modelled raindeer where straight in the bin. Just a bit weird on January 8th tbh.

In other news, got a new carmex cherry lip balm and I'm very happy with myself. Also got my fringe cut back in, still getting used to it again, need to wait for it to thicken out a bit again cos right now it looks weiiiiird.

Thats just about as good as shit gets in life.

bonum noctem!

I GOT IT! jus sayin'

You know that feeling

that overcomes even the best of us, the one when your on eBay and its less then half an hour until the item in which you have been obsessing over and have emotionally invested yourself in could either finally be yours, or lost forever. I don't know why, because most of the shit I want to buy is not even that great anyway, but its the obsession with WINNING which turns me into a raging cave woman, pulling out my hair and occasionally shooting out rambling swear words, aimed at my 'opponant' who could be anyone, anywhere. This all sounds very over dramatic, but this ebay malarchy really does being out the homo sapien in me, much more than a raw cow or blunt tool ever could.

Okay, so its down to 24 mintutes. The last bidder placed £9.99 yesterday. The item which I so desire is a suade mens coat, 'vintage' and rather beautiful. AND ITS A TENNER. Unless the other fucker who probably hates me as much as I hate them decides to panic (probably before I do) and punch in £25 at which point I will probably doubly panic, go for the £50 and actually win. Because God is not in a great mood with me and also know's that I only have £3.71 in my account so I'm technically cheating by bidding anyway. The tension is really getting too much for me, my hands are sweating and everything. I need to stop and say to myself, 'calm the fuck down, because ITS JUST A COAT!'. Right, done. Phewwwwwwwwwww.

Okay, in 18 minutes I will either be reaaally happy, the kind of happiness which only material gain can generate, or completely miserable until I find the next garment which I can obsess over. I definately need a cat.

Anyway, in other news, I got my fringe cut back in today. Look a little bit like a dykey mumsy school teacher but I'm sure I'll grow into it.....

gusto ako luck!

(wish me luck in Filipino... oddly)  

a life less ordinary

is such a good film! Cameron Diaz, Ewan McGregor, sososo funny. Such a good end to a really good day. Went to the National Gallery today to see the da Vinci exhibition with my sister, my umma and her friend. I thought my mother was going to orgasm/ hyperventilate she was getting so into it. Like the total nerd I am spent the whole time writing about every single painting/ sketch in the entire exhibition, and there where a lotttt of them.


His sketches are the things which I love the most. The first work of the exhibition was 'Mans head in Cross Section' which shows da Vinci's exploration on anatomy and his desire to depict humans as realistically as possible. It also shows an in depth cross section of the human eye, with three tendons linking it to the brain, the parts of which he believed contained the imagination and the soul. He felt that the eye was the window to the soul, and that imagination was a God given gift, as was that of creativity and that art was full of extra ordinary posssibilities. When viewing the rest of his work you can see that particular care is always taken in the emphasis of the eyes, especially in his painting. In one of his works, 'The Musician', the sitters eyes are dilated at different points to suggest the changing light across his face. The attention to detail is incredible!

Anyway, not wanting to bore you with all that! But it really was very exciting. Got some cool pictures of me, my sister and my umma and went for a pizza in Covent Garden, then had a cheeky look around. My umma was in her element, telling us about when she used to have her stall there and how skint she always was. Overall, it was a totally beaut day. I was going to stay in London and go out with my friend for her birthday, but I have zero money and seriously, seriously have to get my essay done tommorow, and hungover me does not tend to function properly.

Apart from doing my essay tommorow I'm getting my fringe lopped off, finally! A bit scared but I need to get rid of these curtains, not looking goooood! Got so many new books today I'm gunna go to bed really content. Also, my puppy had her op yesterday and she had to have one of those little cone funnel things over her head. She slept in my bed last night and snores SO LOUD. And she likes to sleep under the covers, but as you can imagine a plastic cone around your head is not the easiest thing to move around in, so I had to keep assisting her. She is just too cute.

Absolutely no point in this post apart from to write about my day, but it was a good day and I want to remember it. Off for a night time cuppa!


Bona nit! x

Today

is one of those days when all I want to do is clean up my disastrous bedroom, take out all of my books and photos and sketchbooks and sit looking through all of the little things i've kept over the last few years, deciding whether to organise it all or continue to leave it in the organised chaos which somehow defines my life.

The other day my umma decided to have a rummage through a chest of draws on our spare room and found an old little box of mine which I forgot I even had. Inside it I had collected a ton of buttons, some from jumpers and jackets etc. I had bought, and some which I had 'borrowed' from my Grandma, who has the most awesome button collection out of anybody I know. Not that I know anyone else with a button collection, but still.

 I also found my old sketchbook from summer 2009, when I went with my family and best friend and stayed at a friends cottage in France. I was pretty cool back then, I wanted to do so much and i was doing so much. I was going to London, studying artists + photographers, loving life. And mostly just finding out who I am and what I like. It was the most perfect summer, the transition between finishing GCSE's and begining college. I made so many good friends that summer, but dont even speak to them now. I miss it, but that was a frozen point in my life which, despite its imperfections, will always somehow be perfect. And I don't think points like that should ever try and be 'recreated' or 'relived'.

It's a shame really, because I just don't feel like I have any time anymore to do the things which I love. Pottering around Brick Lane with Jess, picking up every Vice/ Susology we could find and one day imagining what it would be like to live in American Apparel.  Getting on our bikes and heading over to the field for a cheeky cigarette and some pesto pasta. Life was good. But now I'm living in Birmingham, and she's living in London, and I just dont have enough time or inspiration to do the old things which made me happy.

But then again, what would be the point in life if there was nothing to be desired? I don't wish to revert back into my sixteen year old self, but I think that I need to remember who I am, and what I like, and stop getting wound up about shallow bollocks. Yeah, thats what I'm gunna do.

Anyway, I've got to get ready for work now. I have perfected the art of zoning out to my managers voice and pretending that I didn't actually leave my brain at home, so I think today will be a safe one.

au revoir x 

View from a Gompa, Leh, India. Wish I was there again right now.

I'm meant to be starting my Anthropology and Art History essays

but instead I'm having a procrastination sesh, drinking green tea and talking to my sister who is currently in cow pj's and a mexican hoodie. I absolutely love my course at uni, but right now my motivation is at zero, probably because like every other person home for christmas I have spent the past three weeks grazing on twiglets and living in the pub whilst my brain cells slowly rot away and I completely forget what 'object and medium' even is. I'm just gunna crack on, nip it in the bud and get it over with. Yeah...

Anyway, things are pretty exciting right now. Can't wait to get a house for next year, I'm gunna go a bit metal with mismatched furniture and a sofa outside for chill nights. There are 7 of us sharing, and I love absolutely everyone. Also, living in halls is driving me a little bit crackers. Being cooped up is not my thing, but it's awesome being surrounded by new people and having so much freedom.

Also want to do A LOT of travelling this year. Gozo, France, Norway, Thailand. If I can have the money/ oppertunities I would be the happiest ginger in the world.

So, end of procrastination. Going to spend the next six hours solidly writing about Courbet's 'Sea Arch at Etretat', 1869 and going slowly bonkers. Amazing painting though.

Ciao!

More 'New year new start' bullshit.

I mean seriously, this year I have seven ny resolutions. yes, SEVEN. there are so many that its almost inevitable that I am going to forget all of them by the end of January. So why do we do them? The novelty of 'a new begining' wears off after the first two weeks of your new gym membership, when your shiny new promising trainers begin to give you blisters and your sporting 'breathable' lycra running top begins to permanantly smell. Oh yeah, and after you discover that the really hot guy you've been 'bumping in to' by the cross trainer is actually gay and having it on with the tanned, toned and ever so charming pilates instructer.

In my opinion, if you want change in your life then you shouldn't wait until the 1st of January to implement it. Begin straight away. None of the 'oh, well I'll just have oneeee more chocolate, then I'll start my diet' bullshit. Test your willpower out, say no to the leftover christmas Quality Street, its always the ones people don't like leftover anyway. I myself am being the worlds biggest hypocrite right now, as whilst I am typing this I am surrounded by crinkled dark lindor chocolate wrappers, a soon to be devoured cupcake and a beer. Resolution #1 broken- check. Not to forget my two unfathomable essays which I promised I wouldn't leave until the last minute again, which are at this moment festering at the back of my mind, slowly poisoning my concience. Resolution #2 broken- check. Not bad for January 2nd, eh?

But in all seriousness, although the new year brings with it all the soon to be lost motivation of freshness, it is a good point at which you can say to yourself in a stern voice and with some distinction "you will STOP getting so drunk, STOP getting so hungover and you will go to ALL of your lectures and not want to vomit. And no, the hula hoops are not your best friend, so stop looking for comfort and support in them everytime you feel less then chirpy". And it feels so good saying all of this to yourself that you believe that it is true and that you really can do it.

Well, I need to prove myself wrong right now. Because if I don't stop being such a cynic, I am going to end up fat, alone without a degree in approximately £20,000+ debt. Probably more, if I fail to crack this alcohol and clothes habit. So, in all sincerity, I actually am going to dedicate myself to self improvement, a new lifestyle change. I may even purchase a diet book, or start reading a blog about 'becoming a better person, from the inside out'.

No, but really. Wish me luck with this. I'll yet all you readers that dont exist know how the whole thing goes.

Night x