Today

is one of those days when all I want to do is clean up my disastrous bedroom, take out all of my books and photos and sketchbooks and sit looking through all of the little things i've kept over the last few years, deciding whether to organise it all or continue to leave it in the organised chaos which somehow defines my life.

The other day my umma decided to have a rummage through a chest of draws on our spare room and found an old little box of mine which I forgot I even had. Inside it I had collected a ton of buttons, some from jumpers and jackets etc. I had bought, and some which I had 'borrowed' from my Grandma, who has the most awesome button collection out of anybody I know. Not that I know anyone else with a button collection, but still.

 I also found my old sketchbook from summer 2009, when I went with my family and best friend and stayed at a friends cottage in France. I was pretty cool back then, I wanted to do so much and i was doing so much. I was going to London, studying artists + photographers, loving life. And mostly just finding out who I am and what I like. It was the most perfect summer, the transition between finishing GCSE's and begining college. I made so many good friends that summer, but dont even speak to them now. I miss it, but that was a frozen point in my life which, despite its imperfections, will always somehow be perfect. And I don't think points like that should ever try and be 'recreated' or 'relived'.

It's a shame really, because I just don't feel like I have any time anymore to do the things which I love. Pottering around Brick Lane with Jess, picking up every Vice/ Susology we could find and one day imagining what it would be like to live in American Apparel.  Getting on our bikes and heading over to the field for a cheeky cigarette and some pesto pasta. Life was good. But now I'm living in Birmingham, and she's living in London, and I just dont have enough time or inspiration to do the old things which made me happy.

But then again, what would be the point in life if there was nothing to be desired? I don't wish to revert back into my sixteen year old self, but I think that I need to remember who I am, and what I like, and stop getting wound up about shallow bollocks. Yeah, thats what I'm gunna do.

Anyway, I've got to get ready for work now. I have perfected the art of zoning out to my managers voice and pretending that I didn't actually leave my brain at home, so I think today will be a safe one.

au revoir x