19.

On the 5th April I turned 19. An exciting age to be, but for some reason I have already developed a knot in my stomach which is threatening to rise up and engulf me in anxiety and dissatisfaction. I have decided that once I have finished my degree I am going to train to be a teacher and then go travelling for a few years. For some reason the thought of a career, and a set path is making me feel really uncomfortable and actually, rather pissed off with myself. But at the same time, not knowing how I am going to earn money in order to move around has been causing me worry. I don't want to be worrying about shit like this now, I wanna just be muddling through life and living for today! This year has gone so quick and I know that before I know it I will be at the end of the best years of my life and wondering what the fuck I did. I think I may need to have a drink and a cigarette and calm down before this all turns into a severely premature midlife crisis.

I did have an amazing birthday though. I was in France with my ma + pa and we went to Pont Aven which was where Gauguin tried to set up his artists colony. It was quite a drive away from home and my paps moaned 97% of the way there but once we arrived he was quietly impressed. He doesn't really get the whole 'art thing' but I think he's just glad I'm at uni and not bugging him all of the time. The town is really beautiful with windy roads and French town houses and little art shops. There is also a river which literally flows through and under some of the ancient houses, it is absolutely beautiful. I felt so happy and bloody lucky to be there! My umma got me a delicious cake from the patisserie in Mur and I had a boiled turkey egg for breakfast (bit weird but I didn't ask any questions).

19th Birthday, Pont Aven, Brittany. Holding Sunny. 

Being in France always makes me turn into a bit of a crazy hippy. It must be the mixture of fresh manure filled country air, a distinct lack of cigarettes and the fact that there is nobody around for miles between the age of 10 and 50. The result of this is that I end up looking as though I have either got entirely dressed in the dark, or have decided to compile an outfit made from clothes from several different people, countries and climates. Thankfully there's only Super Cider Man around to see me sloping off on my bike.

Also, very pleased with myself because I went to the British Heart Foundation charity shop in Woking after work yesterday and got myself a copy of D.H. Lawrence's 'Women in Love' and Ella Fitzgerald's 'It Ain't Over...' which I'm listening to now. I also got an old oval leather handbag which was from John Lewis. My umma and sister are super jel so I'm keeping it well out of their reach! Trawling through second hand and charity shops is one of my favourite things to do, but it is actually becoming a deceptive money killer! Need to be careful with my pennies for summer!

Sweet Dreams
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